Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize