Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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