I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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