either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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