goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
