so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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