Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
