i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
