Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
