in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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