i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
