I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
