hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
