You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize