Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
