Only a mothe r could love this liver
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize