there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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