it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
