i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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