It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
