I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
