1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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