It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
