Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize