Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
