are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
