so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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