Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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