In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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