This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
