the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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