I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
