he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
