we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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