i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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