John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
