i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
