Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
