I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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