Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
