All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
tell me about the eggs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
