I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
