xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
