Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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