I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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