i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
