seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
