please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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