Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
