haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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