Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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