Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
