I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
