Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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