yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
