At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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