The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
