then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
