i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
