I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
