I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
there is glitter all over my balls
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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