TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
