I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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