All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
