so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
