I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
