Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
