I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
