dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
