i think my mom watched the whole time
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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