Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
