i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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