I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
